In a possible confirmation of the existence of a Supreme Being, a wildfire that has gone out of control near Colorado Springs, CO appears to be advancing toward the US Air Force Academy.
Theologians are thrilled at this long-awaited probable scientific proof that God does, in fact, exist.
“What we are witnessing is the Hand of God smiting a military force that has been used over and over to kill tens of millions of civilians all around the world” one minister who wished to remain anonymous exulted. “The bombing of Dresden; the firebombing of Tokyo; the utterly unjustifiable nuclear bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki; the Korean War, Vietnam War, Balkan war, Libya, Iraq, Libya again, Iraq again, Afghanistan and Pakistan… God has been very very patient all this time while the US Air Force slaughtered millions of defenseless people, but now he’s apparently had enough. Hallelujah!” When asked if it was part of “God’s Great Plan” to also destroy dozens of family homes, the minister replied: “Must be those folks just haven’t got right with their Lord and Savior!”
In another startling confirmation of what many have previously derided as a “wacko conspiracy nutjob theory”, strange white contrails have begun to appear over the skies of Colorado Springs, as the US Air Force, desperate to save its premiere training center, has resorted to “the most massive cloud seeding/chemtrail operation ever attempted in the history of mankind”. And the US Air Force has finally been forced to admit that the long-controversial “chemtrails” phenomenon has actually, until now, been one of the most highly classified programs ever undertaken by the Pentagon. Today, in a hastily convened press briefing in Colorado Springs, the Air Force, under siege as thousands of confirmed reports of chemtrails mysteriously appearing over the skies above the Air Force Academy, admitted that “chemtrails” are real.
“Commencing at 06:00 hours this morning, local standard time, the US Air Force began an extensive deployment of chemtrail grids directly over the United States Air Force Academy campus and the immediately surrounding area in order to provoke heavy rains and to reduce winds in the region… citizens can rest assured that YOUR US Air Force is doing all it can to stop this wildfire before it causes any serious damage to US military equipment, weapons, planes, radar installations and runways. Oh yeah, and our personnel as well, of course. Can’t forget them” said the unnamed, hooded 4 star general during the press briefing.
Asked whether the Air Force would be deploying it’s amazing chemtrail technology over civilian areas as well in order to minimized damage to homes and small businesses and to protect civilian lives, the general stated simply: “No comment”.
All our attempts to contact Penn Jillette for his take on this apparently incontrovertible confirmation of the existence of God were met with what can only be described as words not fit to publish on a family-oriented website like ours.